Becoming a parent can be a stressful time. Scratch that. It can be a VERY stressful time. While a little stress can often be a good thing (as it can help to motivate you to get things done), sometimes stress levels can get too high. And as with most negative emotions (e.g. anger, sadness), just ignoring stress and hoping it will go away is not an effective way to deal with it.
When you experience stress, it activates the regions of the brain that controls your body’s fight or flight response; those primitive, automatic reactions that occur when faced with a life-threatening situation. This triggers a host of biochemical reactions in your body, firing off a large amount of neural activity and releasing a cascade of hormones (including adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol). Evolutionary speaking, these reactions are designed to drive you to react to a life-threatening stressor. The problem is, our bodies don’t know the difference between being faced by a sabre tooth tiger or getting stressed about an imagined stressor. Regardless of the trigger, the stress response is essentially (and biochemically) the same; and it puts our bodies under a lot of pressure, particularly if experienced for prolonged periods of time.
As well as having a physiological impact on your body, research has shown that unchecked periods of stress can lead to anxiety, overwhelm, burnout, and/or depression. It can interfere with sleep, and cognitive abilities (such as memory and attention), which can negatively impact your day to day function. So, keeping on top of stress is important for both your physical and mental wellbeing.
There is a huge amount of research out there that has investigated ways to manage stress and promote wellbeing. Here are a few evidence-based suggestions that you might like to try:
1. Do something you enjoy
Unfortunately, when we get stressed or anxious, one of the first things we do is stop making time for things that are really good for us, and help us to destress. For example, we might turn down a social invitation from a friend because we just “don’t have time”, or we stop exercising because there are too many other things that we need to do (like looking after the baby, or doing the housework). But it’s important to find the time to look after your needs in this way.
Think about some relaxing or enjoyable activities that you enjoy doing. Make a plan to build them into your week.
2. Talk to someone
This doesn’t (necessarily) mean a counsellor or psychotherapist! A number of psychological research studies suggest that loneliness and isolation can have a negative impact on your wellbeing… so make time to socialise with your friends; it can really help you to feel grounded, and like yourself again. In fact, some studies have suggested that socialising with a friend just once every week can significantly reduce your stress levels and improve your mood.
If you are in self-isolation, think of ways that you can socialise that don’t inovolve meeting up face-to-face. For example, using Skype or FaceTime (or similar apps/programs for video calls), send instant messages, or go old school and phone people for a chat.
Our research has also shown that talking and listening to other mums can significantly reduce anxiety. We know that mums often feel under a lot of pressure to be the ‘perfect mum’. This means that we can feel stressed or anxious when we don’t meet these unrealistic standards. Simply hearing others talk about their own experiences with motherhood can help to breakdown unrealistic notions of motherhood, and help mothers to realise that they were not abnormal, inadequate or alone in their experience.
You can find out more about this on our OpenLearn resources here:
Why friendships are vital to your wellbeing
Can your friend be your therapist?
3. Exercise
Exercise is great for both your physical and mental health. The endorphins that are released when you exercise can help to reduce stress and tension, and improve focus. So if you are struggling to think clearly, try taking a break to clear your head… whether it’s going for a walk in the fresh air, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, etc… it can help.
Find out about an Exercise and mental health course
4. Sleep well
A large amount of psychological research suggests that poor sleep is related to poor mental health. Furthermore, a recent study has found a direct link between insomnia and perinatal anxiety. So trying to get a good amount of sleep every night can help to reduce stress and anxiety, and support good mental functioning.
Unfortunately, pregnancy and motherhood can seriously interfere with sleep. But try not to worry about this too much. Remember – it is only temporary – so try not to get too anxious about your erratic sleep patterns.
And in the meantime, here are some general tips that can help you get a better night’s sleep:
- Instead of worrying about not being about to sleep, remind yourself that it is only temporary. We are all able to function with disrupted sleep. Worrying about it will just make things worse.
- Try some relaxation techniques to help you fall asleep (or at least get some rest). Relaxation techniques are designed to reduce physical tension and interrupt the (often anxious) thought processes that may be preventing you from sleeping. You may want to try the exercises we offer on this site, including: breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, or body scans.
- Avoid bright screens within 1-2 hours before your bedtime. The blue light emitted by your phone, tablet, computer, or TV can interfere with your melatonin (the sleep hormone).
- At bed time (and throughout the night) make sure the room is as dark as it can be. Consider using blackout curtains or blinds, and consider covering up electronics that have power lights. Alternatively, you could try using a sleep mask.
- Try to only use your bed for sleeping and other night time activities. You don’t want your bed to become associated with day time or wakeful activities, like using your laptop or watching TV.
- Avoid caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.
Once you have had your baby:
- Take advantage of sleep opportunities when they come up. This might mean sleeping when your baby is sleeping (if you can), and letting that housework wait for a bit.
- Ask your partner or a close friend to help you with the baby at night. Maybe they can take shifts looking after the baby at night, or you might be able to alternate nights so you have the opportunity to catch up on some sleep. If you are breastfeeding, if you think it would be helpful, you may want to consider pumping and asking someone else to help with the night feeds once in a while.
- If you need to get up to tend to the baby at night, keep the lights low… this will make it easier for you both to fall back to sleep.
5. Eat healthily
Research shows there are strong links between what we eat and how we feel. While it might be tempting to reach for the chocolate and crisps (especially if you have cravings), try to eat regular meals and make sure you get some fruit and veg in every day!
It’s also important to drink responsibly. Research has shown that too much alcohol too often can affect your mental health and increase anxiety, stress and depression.
Find out why Nutritional psychiatry is the future of mental health treatment
6. Unplug
Switch off phones and social media for a short time each day. These OpenLearn links explore how digital technology may be adding to our stress levels, and suggests ways of managing it.
How to manage the digital-related stress of technology
Stress and anxiety in the digital age: The dark side of technology
7. Take social media with a pinch of salt
We can’t help but compare ourselves to others, and social comparison theory suggests that we use these types of comparisons to evaluate how we think and feel about ourselves. Social Media, by its nature, actively encourages social comparison – which can be problematic when faced with constant images of other mothers appearing to be ‘the perfect mum’, while we are struggling to get out of our pyjamas in the morning. Try to remember, it’s not real! People often only post an extremely edited ‘highlight reel’ of their lives, giving the false impression that others lead a more perfect life than our own, which, in reality has its fair share of ups, middles and downs. So try not to let it get you down.
8. Breathe
Our breath is a powerful tool that can help us to manage muscle tension and stress. It is always with us, so it is a useful relaxation method that we can turn to whenever we need it.
So how can breathing help? When we feel anxious, we tend to alter our breathing. Instead of taking slow, deep breaths (diaphragmatic breathing), we often take shallow rapid breaths using mainly our chest, which can sometimes lead to hyperventilation and/or cause anxiety to escalate. To help us to calm down and relax, we should aim to try and slow down our breathing; and take long, deep breaths.
Check out our guided breathing exercises to help promote a bit of calm