The way we think about different events or situations can really affect how we feel, and we can characterise our thinking patterns as either helpful, neutral, or unhelpful. It’s not surprising that people who generally have unhelpful thinking patterns (e.g. thinking things like “I can’t do this”, “nothing ever goes right for me”) are likely to feel worse than those who have more positive thoughts…
So let’s take a moment to look at some of the most common unhelpful thinking patterns that can occur, and that are often associated with anxiety:
Catastrophising (thinking the worst)
This is when your thoughts go straight to the worst case scenario, and you exaggerate or over-estimate the likelihood of something bad happening.
“Something terrible is going to happen to my baby.”
“The baby has a rash. There must be something terribly wrong.”
Underestimating ability
This is when under-estimate your ability to cope in the face of a challenge (or negative situation). These thoughts often occur alongside catastrophising thoughts.
“I just wouldn’t be able to cope if something was wrong with the baby.”
“I’m so tired, I’ll never be able to function normally again.”
Black and white thinking
All of nothing thinking, where thoughts focus on extreme views. Viewing situations are either black or white, with no shades of grey. Words like ‘always’, ‘never’, ‘impossible’ tend to pop up in these thoughts.
“If I can’t breastfeed, I must be a failure.”
“I always get everything wrong.”
“I’m no good at this. Everyone is a better parent than me.”
Mind Reading
This is where you jump to conclusions, or make assumptions about what other people might be thinking, without any evidence.
“The health visitor thinks I’m crazy”
“Noone in my antenatal class has spoken to me. They probably don’t like me.”
Fortune Telling
This is when you make negative predictions about future events, and believe them to be true (even when you have no evidence to support this view).
“My baby is never going to sleep through the night.”
“I’ll never have time for myself again.”
Filtering
This is where you focus on the negative or bad aspects of a situation while filtering out and ignoring anything good or realistic. It’s often referred to as ‘looking on the dark side’, or ‘glass half-empty’ type of thinking.
“I’ve spent the day looking after my baby, but I haven’t managed to keep on top of the cooking, cleaning and other housework… I’m no good at this.”
Setting unrealistic standards
The content of the thoughts aren’t necessarily negative in themselves, but they set rigid, high expectations of yourself or others. This can lead to anxiety in situations where those standards are unobtainable.
“All the mums on social media seem to be coping really well, just effortlessly getting on with life so soon after having their babies. I feel like such a failure for not being able to cope in the same way.”
“Breastfeeding should be the easiest and most magical thing in the world.”
“I should be able to do everything in exactly the same way as I did before … just with a baby.”
Harsh critic
Imposing harsh rules or labels on ourselves or others about the way we SHOULD behave and/or feel.
“There must be something wrong with me – I’m just not enjoying motherhood as much as I should.”
“Good mums shouldn’t feel like this.”
Confusing thoughts with actions
Believing that if you have a thought about doing something negative, that you’re likely to do it in reality.
“I keep getting scary thoughts about hurting my baby, I worry that I will lose control and actually do it.”
Emotional Reasoning
Assuming your negative emotions reflect the way things are in reality
“I feel so worried about my baby all of the time… there must be a reason for it… there must be something wrong.”
